an 8k for dessert.

I ran an 8k yesterday with one of my new roomies. Quite the bonding experience. I warned him (at the end of the race) that this was the smelliest I ever get, so if he can handle that, we'll be good. There were also moments of candid conversation involving a car key as big as a leatherman and where a girl puts it for a race. I didn't know that he had never lived with a girl before. Jump right in, right?

It was a great experience. I felt really alive afterwards. Adrenaline can be such a wonderful thing. Of course I crashed 2 hours later, but only after a round of karaoke duet-ing Goldigger by Kanye West (ps. rap lyrics, much better heard than recited) and a little background dancing.

On a separate note....I went to the new Batman movie with some friends. This experience (not necessarily the movie itself, but the event of going) left me with a few self-realizations/reminders, some of which I'll relay below:

1. Jessica, my sister, needs space after a movie. Whether it's an epic or the latest Lindsey Lohan teeny-bopper movie, she is affected by the movie. Her life story, longings, are always ALWAYS present...and they mingle intimately with the terrain of every movie she experiences.

2. I often see movies/television as an escape, something outside myself, my life. Not an entry-point into the profundity of who I am, where I am, and what I long for.

3. I used to be so aware and attentive to the needs of others. Rather, I think I still am, but my response is different to them. I dissolved into others' needs then. I shut out others' needs now. Polarization. I miss that softness in me. A kindness in which I lost my self in the past....

4. Can I be honest and present when someone needs me without reacting in a polarized response? (And I might add, growing up, when i asserted my self, it would mean a break in relationship. And so, it is this loss that I fear. Either loss of self, or loss of you.)

5. Hmmm, my brain is leaving....its saying, "dude, you just ran an 8k. take a break from self-analyzation and sempiternal philosophizing." I think I'll listen.

peace.

e